Blank Space

One person who is always on your side.
One who witnesses your life unfold.
One for whom you always came first.
One who worries about you without being asked.
One you want to call first, whether things go right or wrong.

What happens when that person is gone?
You lose the quiet certainty that someone is always there.
It's not just their absence you feel.
It's the disappearance of the emotional safety net you didn't realize you were leaning on.

The future begins to feel empty.
It can feel as though your emotional safety net has disappeared.

For me, that person was my mom.  

Even when we lived thousands of miles apart, she was always reachable.
A phone call away. 
My only place to return to.

Every picture of tomorrow once included her—
a phone call,
her standing by my side, 
or simply our daily, ordinary conversations. 

Now, when I imagine the years ahead,
there is a blank space where she used to be.
A quiet fear of facing the future alone.

I don't quite know yet how to make sense of it.
I might seem fine, even happy at times, but in quiet moments, the absence feels more real.

How do you keep living when the person who anchored you is gone?

I'm beginning to realize that I'm not only grieving her absence, and her embrace.
I'm looking for a place to land.
And now, much of this journey is about finding that place again.